Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
