I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In America we eat man semen.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
