hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize