Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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