as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
