I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
