So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
