bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
