My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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