Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My vagina is officially offended.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
