wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
