NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
