I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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