Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
