No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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