My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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