The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
