Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize