Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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