Apparently you make a good broom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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