If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
