Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
