Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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