It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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