Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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