So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize