so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
