The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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