He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
