im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am mentally ready for anal.
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