she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
