its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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