I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
