She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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