Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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