found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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