he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
