The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
