butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
