Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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