Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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