I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
