Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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