i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
