She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
