I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
