bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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