pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
