Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
