i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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