hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
