so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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