areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
