Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
