There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
