After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
