So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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