Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize