dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
