Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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