you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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