I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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