I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
