Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
