I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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