I just cut my nipple shaving
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
