your thong is hanging out like whoa
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
