Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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