My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
