Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my shit smells like andre
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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