cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
