i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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